HOPEWORKS 'N CAMDEN: Expanding the Futures of Youth

Many youth will be receptive and excited about the opportunity to participate in mentoring. Others may be reluctant for different reasons. Connecting through Success, an e-Mentoring Program that promotes the successful transition of youth with disabilities to adult life, outlines the following challenges and strategies for working around them in their training manual.

Some youth may have previously experienced abandonment, alienation and isolation in their relationships with adults. These youth may wonder why all of a sudden adults are taking an interest ("Why me?" "Why now?").

Some youth may be isolated from their community through educational, social, economic and developmental barriers. They may occasionally be contacted by community agencies, but they may have a low level of trust for these interventions. Such students may be skeptical of a mentoring program as being another one of these random efforts to “help.” This particular knowledge is the lived experience that helped shape The Canadian Stay-In-School Initiatives, of which mentoring is a component.

A successful mentoring relationship will respond to the needs and the unspoken questions of these trainees in a number of ways:

A mentor who senses disengagement from a student should patiently persist in communicating through email. Reliability and dependability are important. The mentor should maintain an attitude of being an equal with the student rather than an authority figure. A student may test the mentor’s intentions and trustworthiness by initially not engaging in the relationship. Understand that this may be a self-protection mechanism that has previously served the youth in other environments.

Students are sensitive to mentor absences. If you are unable to email at the expected time, be sure to notify teacher and student of your schedule, noting when you will be away and when you will return. As much as possible, maintain your commitment to exchange emails weekly during the academic year.

Mentors should expect achievement from students. Anticipate that you will be able to work through trust issues by open communication and demonstration of reliability. Despite any difficulties that may exist in the trainee’s life, know that you can help foster specific talents and abilities the trainee possesses through the mentoring relationship.

Practice active listening. When a trainee expresses an interest in something, ask about it. If the timing seems right, ask for further information. Talk about baseball, prom, music, or whatever creates an opening for communication to develop.

Some students may have had a “failure experience” in school. They may dislike school because they have received continuous negative feedback and perceive themselves as academic failures. Remember to focus on the student’s strengths, whether these are academic, athletic, social, or artistic. Recognizing and pointing out strengths will lead to growth and change. Be supportive and reassuring wherever you can.

Explore alternatives. Helping youth to make their own decisions is usually more effective than criticism or preaching or lecturing.

Be sensitive to and smart about what trainees want to discuss. Some youth may try to shock you with information and others may resist sharing. Keep the mentoring conversations targeted on the parameters of the program. Lead the conversation into positive area or guide yourself away from topics to which the trainees may be sensitive. Either situation will take discernment and may require you to consult the formation director.

Be realistic. What may seem like a small gain to you may be major for the student. Hold high expectations, but also be realistic for the particular person with whom you are working.